Query Letter Help!

Hey you guys! So, I'm making the common although still terrifying step of preparing a query letter for my latest project! I know that I have read many of your query letters and that we all have a little bit of exposure now so if you don't mind, perhaps ya'll could take a little look at some of the samples I have below and give me your thoughts! I have two different summaries below, each for my latest novel, A Season in Summerton. Thank you so much for your feedback, and don't forget to comment below. :)

"Sofie King isn’t like the other girls. Brazen and ambitious, Sofie has always been too busy cracking jokes and pursuing her dreams to take notice of the men around her. That all changes however, when seemingly perfect Charles Turner moves to Summerton and attracts the attention of every surrounding available female, including Sofie. As she opens a new chapter in her life, Sofie is faced with the decision of preserving old friendships or chasing after the one who has claimed her affections unlike any other. Through death, new relationships and old mistakes, Sofie King makes the journey from childhood into adulthood along side her brother, old friends and her new-found love interest."

Aaaaaaand,

"18 year old Sofie King has always been too busy cracking jokes and pursuing her dreams to take any notice of the men around her. That all changes when Mr. Charles Turner arrives in the small town of Summerton, in all his good looks and good graces. But Charles is everything desirable and not all at all the sort of fellow who would ever glance twice at a silly and unconventional girl like Sofie. Between death, heartache and laughter along the way, Sofie King must learn to navigate the waters of affection while maintaining old friendships and forming new ones."

Written by: Karoline Kingley

Happy blogging, friends!